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Metzorah—“Bringing forth a Bad Name” (Gossip)

Guest Columnist: Dear Abby (Abigail Van Buren)

First appeared in The Tennessean, July 17, 2002

Dear Abby: When I was growing up, our mother and the other ladies in our temple were extremely polite to each other. However, when one of them wasn’t present, the others would talk behind her back. They would compliment a woman to her face, and then criticize her as soon as she walked away. Mother always defended this behavior as a “harmless pastime.” I don’t know whether it hurt the people who were the butt of gossip, but I know it harmed me and the children who were listening. Their behavior taught me not to trust anyone—especially people who were nice to my face. Instead, I trusted abusive people because I thought they were being honest. I ended up running with a bad crowd and found myself dating abusive men because I couldn’t trust polite guys.

When someone complimented me, I didn’t believe it, so I never developed self-confidence. I was afraid people were laughing at me behind my back. I had trouble making friends with other girls because I was afraid to open up and reveal my feelings for fear that whatever I said would become grist for the gossip mill.

After a great deal of therapy, I finally found the self-confidence I lacked. My sisters haven’t been so lucky. Both are married to abusive men. Abby, please inform your readers that there is nothing harmless about gossip, especially to children who may overhear it. –Gaining Trust in Georgia

Dear Gaining Trust: Your experience and that of your sisters has stated that fact more strongly than I could have. It brings to mind a piece I recall. Read on:

Nobody’s Friend

(Author Unknown)

My name is Gossip. I have no respect for justice.

I maim without killing. I break hearts and ruin lives.

I am cunning and malicious and gather strength with age.

The more I am quoted, the more I am believed.

My victims are helpless. They cannot protect themselves against me because I have no name or face.

It is impossible to track me down. The harder you try, the more elusive I become.

I am nobody’s friend.

Once I tarnish a reputation, it never is the same.

I topple governments and wreck marriages.

I ruin careers and cause sleepless nights,

Heartaches and indigestion.

I make innocent people cry in their pillows.

Even my name hisses. I am called Gossip.

 I make headlines and headaches.

Readers, before you repeat a story, ask yourself: Is it true?

Is it harmless? Is it necessary to tell?

If it isn’t, don’t repeat it.

OUR RABBI - David Hartley Mark

WATCH RABBI MARK , To Life, L'Chaim #217 - Rabbi David Mark (You Tube)

Rabbi David Hartley Mark was born in New York City, and grew up on the Lower East Side, that legendary Jewish immigrant neighborhood, attending Hebrew Day School. He was first from his school, the East Side Torah Center, to attend Yeshiva University High School for Boys—Manhattan. David attended Yeshiva University, where he attained a BA in English Literature, a BS in Bible and Jewish Education, and a Hebrew Teacher’s Diploma (HTD). He spent his third year of college at Bar Ilan University in Ramat-Gan, Israel, where he developed a fluency in Hebrew, and toured around the country. He has also attained a Certificate in Advanced Jewish School Administration from the Hebrew College in Brookline, MA.

David attended the City University of New York Graduate Center, where he earned an MA degree from Queens College, as well as an M.Phil. degree, majoring in 17th Century English, specializing in the work of John Milton, as well as the Romantic Poets. A year teaching Hebrew School in a Reform temple in Brooklyn convinced him of his great love of Judaism, and he began attending the Academy for Jewish Religion, Yonkers, NY, where he was ordained a rabbi in 1980.

He met Anbeth, who was hired as temple secretary the same day he was hired to teach. They were married in 1978. They have two grown children, Tyler and Jordan, as well as a grandson, Aidan.

Rabbi Mark served pulpits in Warren, NJ, Fayetteville, NC, and Portsmouth, NH, in which last pulpit he spent 22 years, a record for that state. Seeking warmer climes, as well as closer family members, he and Anbeth took the pulpit of Temple Sholom in 2009. He also fulfilled a lifetime dream of teaching English at Keiser University in Ft. Lauderdale.  

OUR CANTOR - ANITA SCHUBERT

 

Cantor Anita Schubert, grew up in Queens and Lynbrook in New York, says it was a combination of her love for both singing and religion that led her to train to become a cantor. “I grew up in a conservative synagogue. My parents weren’t super religious,” she said. “I started going to shabbat services and never stopped. I learned the musical chants . . . all the right stuff. I picked it up and was able to lead services as well. When I was a teenager I was asked to be one of the adult leaders in the junior congregation. I graduated to running it.”

Although she found her niche leading her congregation, it never occurred to her to be a cantor. “I was the wrong gender until the 80s.” As for her musical style, “It’s mostly a cappella. But I have been accompanied by someone on guitar and piano.”

Her academic background includes both undergraduate and graduate courses in music theory, sight-singing, ear-training, music history, conducting, choral arranging, voice building for choirs, vocal training, as well as studying the piano and flute. Plus, “I began singing in choirs starting in the third grade.”

She also took college courses in Hebrew, modern Jewish thought and the history of Jewish music.

Schubert said although women had been taking cantorial courses, they were not considered cantors at first. However, things changed for the better when women were finally accepted into the Cantors Assembly, an international association representing the cantorial profession.

Schubert has been actively working as a cantor at various congregations around the nation for many years before her new position at Temple Sholom. She realizes her coming here will be an historic event for the local place of worship. And what will she bring to her new congregation? “My spirit, my choice of music. We have a lot of options. We go beyond the traditional.”

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